A colleague of mine (who is a sales director of an international company) who I share a drink with every couple of months, asked me write down a 4 page summary of this seduction stuff and spend a day with him and see if it has any relevence to sales.
As it happened I'd just been reading Mystery's Venusian Arts Handbook and listened to his 5 DVD set - see http://www.themysterymethod.com/
And it gave me a bit of a problem in that it's such a good summary of approaches to attraction and seduction that it's hard not to quote it. So this is a mix of Mystery's content - if you're interested in more detail from this review then buy Mystery's book and DVD's - together with what I think are the key points.
Key Lessons from seduction
“In a way a man cannot seduce a women but he can put himself in a position where if he demonstrates leadership and the right characteristics – she will be automatically drawn to seduce him”
The human race has, at least up to now, been amazingly successful at survival and replication – however this is ‘hard – wired’ into our bodies and happens despite 10’s of 1000’s of years of evolution. In fact while social conditioning has changed how we think it has not necessarily changed how our bodies react.
Our bodies and minds are likely to have a very different idea of what we really want and desire….which can lead to some interesting social and personal conflicts and choices!
Our bodies are hard wired for the species to survive and replicate…which may or may not be in the interests a particular individual. Both men and women will tend to post rationalise their decisions and actions because some of our real drivers are not totally acceptable to either the individual or society………..
Much of what follows is about ‘what works’ because it’s wired in at a very deep level; it’s not about what ‘ought to work.’
The key differences between men and women
Women have a much higher investment in the result of sex than men; they will naturally continually test men both that they have are providing the right genes to produce the best offspring and that they will not desert her (although they usually reserve the right to leave him.)
When ‘testing’ women may not be looking for logical answers – they are looking for emotional and frame strength.
In addition women are usually much more socially adroit than men and look for social validation of their choices.
It’s therefore in a man’s interest to know a wide range of attractive women because this provides both social validation and choice.
Men will generally have ‘approach anxiety’ when making initial contact (which often makes no sense to women) where women may hesitate just before sex (which often makes no sense and can be mildly or less mildly frustrating to men.)
There is a view that women are significantly more different than men and a man needs to re-learn every woman. Every woman has a slightly different key and a man won’t fully appreciate her unless he has the skill and time to find it.
Characteristics that women naturally find attractive in men
- Social proof (found attractive by other women and respected by leading men – hence the importance of ‘wings*’ and ‘pivots*’)
- Follow their own passion and internally referenced
- Comfort (some people would describe this as confidence)
- Humorous and smile easily
- Well groomed
- Occasionally a cheeky chappy
- Occasionally unpredictable
- Able to form an emotional connection easily
NB could be summed up by as success criteria for the 21st Century?!
Characteristics that women find naturally unattractive in men
- Focused on her as a purely sexual ‘goal’
A seduction process (adapted from the mystery method)**
Following this method is likely to lead both to success and avoid ‘buyers’ remorse
Stage A Demonstrate no interest but high value
The question left in her mind is he’s cool – so why doesn’t he like me?
Stage B Comfort, connection and investment
By the end of this stage she feel she’s made a major investment in getting to know him and is genuinely feels comfortable and connected with him. If he moves away she wants to follow. And by this stage the man knows enough that he can decide to continue or not.
Stage C Mutual seduction
The more that both parties take an active part to create the right environment the more successful it will be.
* A wing and pivot are male and female colleagues that will give you social proof (whether deserved or not)
**Mysteries ‘The Venusian Arts Handbook’ contains 200+ pages on how to do this!
See http://www.themysterymethod.com/ if you’re interested in this material eBook and DVD set are brilliant
In the actual ‘mystery method’ each subdivides each stage into three sub stages
A1 The approach
A2 Female to male interest
A3 Male to female interest
S2 Last minute resistance
The sequence is importance, except maybe for a one night stand, starting with S will end up with the man being blown out or getting ‘buyers remorse’, starting with C will end up as being ‘friends’ or misinterpreted as S (why is he being nice to me?)
Jumping from A to S can lead to buyers remource.
- The concept of negs in A1– a snub without an insult
- Use of time constraints – I’d like to talk but I’ve arranged to meet my friend
- The process is likely to involve at least three physical locations – the logistics needs be worked out
- In the end the women must be able to feel ‘it just happened’ and the whole thing was totally unplanned. Therefore
- The man must initially focus on the process and not the women and in fact run the process on many women – and be prepared to ‘walk away’ particularly in the early stages.
- The man needs to run ‘kinaesthetic’ escalation throughout the process
- The 3 second rule – you have three seconds to approach someone if you don’t want to appear a wimp
- The 7 hour rule – women usually need 7- 10 hours of ‘genuine comfort’ with a man before they’re ready for sex
Some important skills and capabilities
- Taking responsibility
- Understanding and using social proof
- Breaking and making rapport
- Process over outcome
- Using ‘canned material'
- Not caring!
- Kino escalation
- Story telling
- Enjoyment and respect (Otherwise why bother?)