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| Jeremy Soul |
(Please allow 2 minutes for the MP3 file to download if you want to listen to the podcast)
http://nlp-expert.co.uk/seduction/jeremy.mp3
Michael : I'm really delighted to have you here this morning to talk about some of your experiences with seduction, and maybe more interesting, teaching people how to become good at this incredibly interesting topic.
But first could you introduce yourself and give our listeners some idea of your background in the business?
Jeremy : Sure. My name is Jeremy Soul, and I work as a dating coach for Lovesystems.com and what that means is that basically I teach men to meet and date the type of women that they want to.
Most of my work is comprised of running live workshops - where I'll run a seminar, a classroom session that teaches guys background theory on becoming more attractive - and then we also take clients out in the field which means taking them out to the street in the daytime or a coffee shop - or a bar or a nightclub - and actually practice meeting woman with them.
Michael : Just to move it on a little bit - and I'm only really only looking for a generalised answer - through your experiences what are your views as to some of the characteristics of men that are very successful with women, and men that are maybe less successful?
What differentiates them?
Jeremy : I think that there are a lot of little things that add up to make a man attractive to a woman - But I think it comes down to the fact that what women are basically looking for in a man is social strength.
Where as the primary thing that a man will look for in a woman is physical value - to be physically attractive to them - and there are other things beyond that, things like personality and intelligence - to be a good kind of life partner, all of those sorts of things. The primary foundation is somebody that they are physically drawn to.
Women on the other hand become socially drawn to men - So this means that they want men who are achieving a fair amount in their life, who are on an upward curve - and it comes down to things like confidence, a sense of humour - being socially savvy - doing things that you are passionate about in your life and being dominant when you are with her.
Michael : Now - This is a little bit of a mischievous question, but you've just written an E-book on Day Game, and I have flicked through it and I do really like it - but I'm curious - How can an E-Book help people with women?
Jeremy : My E-book is specifically about meeting women in the daytime. It's something that I got into in the last five years of my life. Initially when I started trying to get better with women I hit the nightclubs, which is pretty much what people would naturally think to do - It's just where people congregate and it's also thought to be where you go an meet girls.
But I realized that there was all of this untapped potential in the women that were walking past the street every day - the women that I would see in Starbucks when I was there having a coffee and I started trying to talk to these women - I started to approach them and to have conversations.
And I realised a bunch of things that made the daytime approach different to the nighttime stuff - and made it very enjoyable. So for one thing you don't have to deal with the loud noise, the alcohol, having a woman standing by herself in the daytime rather than having five friends with her that you have to try and entertain as well.
And I just find that you get into a real conversation and see a real side to that person more quickly. So I ended up developing this field a lot - I worked on it for a few years and in the end came up with the Day Game workshop, but at the same time I was also writing a book to really consolidate my learnings into a simple format that people could absorb - That was launched just a couple of weeks ago.
And what I think about the book is that there are a lot of manuals out there and a lot of advice as to how to become attractive to women in general - but my book Daytime Dating actually lays out a specific point-by-point game plan as to how to go from seeing a beautiful stranger walking past you to beginning a relationship with her - in terms of breaking down how you would start the conversation, how you would build commonalities - and then how you would go for a date with her.
Michael : Now one of the concepts that you talk about in the book which I really like is the concept of people giving themselves permission to do things. Can you expand on that a bit - and tell us some things that it's useful for guys to allow themselves to do?
Jeremy : Sure - This kind of goes back to your question about what are characteristics in a man that makes him attractive to a woman - and I think that to often in the world we look to other people for how to behave - We're all looking for social approval, we're all looking for a green light that it's OK to ask out this woman or that it's OK make a move on her or to kiss her.
And I think that part of being attractive is being willing to take that chance and not knowing what might happen - Not knowing necessarily whether she'll say 'yes' and agree to come on a date with you.
And also not knowing what people around you are going to think, and not caring - and if you like a woman being able to just take the chance for her.
That's the thing - I talk a lot in my workshop about why men don't succeed with women because what they're doing is looking for green lights - They'll talk with her and maybe they'll even flirt a little bit - But they're waiting for her to magically turn around and say 'You know what Jeremy, I'm really enjoying your company - Would you like my number? Would you like to take me on a date sometime?'
And most of the time it just doesn't work like that. There's much to be said for male-female equality, but that doesn't mean that women don't want men to be men. And that often means taking the lead in the courtship ritual. Once things get into a relationship there's a lot more to and fro, but I'm a big believer that initially it's up to us to be the protagonists in the romance.
So really it comes down to giving yourself permission to take that chance.
A classic example is the approach - You see this woman, you don't know her - she's a complete stranger to you. You don't know if she has a boyfriend, whether her friends are going to tell you to get lost or other people on the train are going to look at you like you're a complete weirdo.
But at the end of the day if you don't take that chance you'll never know, and she may have been looking at you too thinking 'I wish this guy would come up and talk to me.' I have so many female friends that have told me stories like that - They were flirting with this guy, hoping that he would come up and talk to them but then they never came over and said anything - Because he didn't give himself permission.
Michael : Excellent. Now you've split the the book into preparation, emotional progression, and physical progression. Could you just say a little bit about each - What does each involve?
Jeremy : The preparation is more about mental preparation. It's a challenging thing to go and approach women that you've never met before. The most common way that most men meet women is through a social circle, so it's through friends - but to actually go out there to commit yourself to getting good at going up to women - You've got to go beyond your social circle and you have to be willing to talk to strangers as well - Otherwise you'll never really be able to develop the skill to present yourself effectively. because relying on a social circle is kind of a safety net.
So the preparation section mentally prepares you for the difficulties that you are going to face in that - things like staying positive, things like being more emotionally expressive and going back to being willing to take chances as well.
Now the second part - the emotional progression is about what to do once you actually have met a woman and you get into a conversation with her. Most of the men will ask too many questions too early on and won't really sell themselves to a woman effectively - So the emotional progression section teaches you to actually package up your life and all of the interesting things that you do in a way that is optimally attractive to a woman, and then throwing that into a conversation - Without sounding like a tryhard, or somebody that's boasting.
And then finally the physical progression side is about once you start to build that conversation, those commonalities, it's about how to set up the date and how to get physically closer on the date, and even how to take things further on the night whether that's kissing her or more.
Michael : Excellent. Now back to the thing - We are talking about an E-book here - and I'm sure that a lot of people buy e-books and self development books and they read them and nothing happens - so if somebody was to buy it, in order to make sure that they got real value out of it, what would you recommend that they actually did?
What's your approach to actually taking your stuff and making it work?
Jeremy : I'm a big believer in reading a little bit to prepare yourself, but then going out and trying it, and going back to read more - to plug the gaps in your knowledge. This has been my experience teaching clients on my live workshops as well - A lot of the time guys will come to me and they'll ask five hundred questions - saying "Jeremy, what am I going to do when she says this? And what do I do after that?"
And then when we go out in field they go "Wait - What was that opening line again?"
And what I realised is that there's no point telling you how to deal with five hundred different situations that are going to come up and things that you should say. You need to read a little bit of the book - and start going and and testing what you've learned, what you've picked up in that session - and learn how to implement each bit - and keep going back and reading the book.
Ultimately, I can't force anyone to go out and implement this stuff - but it's a real shame if you buy the book and you don't actually go out and try any of it.
Michael : Now you've been very good at explaining to us about what you do and about your book. Is there anything else that you'd like to plug? Take a couple of minutes and just tell us anything that you're up to that it would be worth our listeners knowing about.
Jeremy : Absolutely. I very much encourage anyone that's interested in seduction and getting better at dating women to do the research - look into what's out there - I've been working with Love Systems.com for about three years now, and I've met so many other players in the industry and come into contact with different companies - and I really do not believe that there's anyone out there that has the depth and breadth of teaching that we do.
And there are lot of teachers and gurus that have lots to offer when it comes to skills and teaching men to be better with women, but I invite people to check out all of the materials and then to make a judgement call on what resonates well with them.
One of the reasons why I wrote the book and I started doing my own workshops is that I looked up all of the existing material that was out there on seduction, and to be honest with you a lot of it didn't gel with me. There was a lot of stuff back when I started, that was honest and up front with women, that I didn't really agree with.
Michael : Can you you just expand that a little bit more? I thin that's a very interesting concept - that the original stuff you read didn't gel with you.
What do you think that you're suggesting people do differently than what might be out there initially?
Jeremy : To give you an example - When I first got into this I read a lot of things that said that when you meet a beautiful woman you have to put her down a little bit - and not necessarily be so honest with the fact that you find her attractive, and to try to come up with a rouse to go up and talk to her.
And that didn't gel with me - Because A, I'm a terrible liar, so if I were to do that I wouldn't be very good at it - and B, I didn't see there being any weakness in admitting, or acting as if you were physically attracted to a woman - In fact I thought it was a little bit weaker to deny that attraction existed, or to act as if it wasn't important to you when it's such a core, basic instinct of man to feel attraction to a beautiful woman.
Michael : That's excellent. I'd like you to give your details if that's OK just so people can contact you if they're interested - Just a final question - As a summary, is there anything that you've said that you'd like to emphasise? Of is there anything that we haven't covered that you'd like to bring up, in this particular topic?
Jeremy : I would really urge people to get online, to start looking at the resources that are there. Lovesystems.com is a great place to start. I'm personally also very active on Twitter and facebook, and I have a blog which is www.lifewithsoul.com. And if you go to any of these sites you can go to any of the relevant sources, but I love hearing from guys - I get recognised sometimes when I'm walking around town, and I love people coming up to me and telling me that they're read my book and that they're a fan and stuff like that.
So please do join my facebook, my twitter - stay in touch - and I hope you guys enjoy reading my materials.
Michael : And your contact details?
Jeremy : The best thing to do if you're interested in a product is to email me at Soul@lovesystems.com .
Michael : OK - Thank you very much for your time this morning.
Jeremy : Nice to meet you Michael.
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